Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
