it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
