I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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