he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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