Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
