Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
