My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
