Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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