So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He felt like a one man threesome
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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