I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
