don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
