whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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