I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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