he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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