just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
