Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
