did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
