New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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