can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
