I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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