That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
