i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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