Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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