Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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