no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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