Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
