i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
