You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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