White coat. Heels.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's blow job season.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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