i think my tv is drunk
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
