My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it hurts more in the daytime
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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