Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
