It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
