so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
