Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
