I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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