I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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