I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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