I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize