Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
