i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
