she smelled like a LAN party
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
