Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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