I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
