There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
