I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
