Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize