Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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