he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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