We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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