when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
