drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
