did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
