Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
