She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
