omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize