idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize