She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize