She said her name was "party"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
