He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
