This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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