I wish I could punch you in the face.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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