Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
