he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize