i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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