I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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