I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
