I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
