I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My pussy is not your playground.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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