I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
