Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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